


You are mine, I am yours

by blueelvewithwings



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: And angst, But there's also a lot of fluff, DA II ending spoilers, Fake Character Death, It's a wedding fic I swear, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, just with some bad flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 09:54:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7356337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueelvewithwings/pseuds/blueelvewithwings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris wants something constant in his life. So he and Anders make a promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You are mine, I am yours

He had never really liked wedding rings. To him, it was just another form of a collar, binding someone to another person for the rest of their life. The only difference was that it was more subtle and that one could choose who one was being bound to. And he had to admit that even he knew that marriage was far different from slavery. But the concept of giving oneself away, handing oneself over to someone, giving them power over one's life… He had sworn to never give in to that, to never desire it or wish for it or let it happen to himself. 

Fenris had never had a staple in his life, something that was always there. Maybe the only thing that was coming close to being a constant companion was fear, but after he had killed Danarius fear kept haunting him less and less, as did the nightmares and the bad memories, which would have scored a second place in the ranking of longest lasting constants in his life. First, there had been Danarius, his Master, his world, the one thing he lived for, even though he terrified him and even though he made his very existence a nightmare. He was everything Fenris knew, everything he had. Later, after he had lost his first constant in life, there were the Fog Warriors, even if maybe they couldn't be called a constant, seeing as he had only been with them for a little while. They had made a great impression on him though, and somehow they always stuck with him in his heart, giving him reason to keep going, but also terrifying and haunting him with memories of their deaths, how he had cruelly slaughtered them all upon a single command from Danarius. Then there had been the time on the run, where the only constant was the everlasting change, that he never slept in the same place twice or stayed outside of the shadows for long enough to be seen. It may have been the most draining time in his life, but at least he had been free, free to go where he wanted to as long as he didn't stay too long. And then, there had been Hawke. Hawke who caused him to stay in one place for almost a decade, Hawke who gave him reason to go on, who gave him friends, who looked after him, Hawke who he sometimes feared might become a new master to him, but who was far too kind and caring for that and who made sure that Fenris didn't start to just live for him like he had for Danarius. And after Hawke, there was only the run again, even though this time he was not by himself, he had the apostate by his side. The mage, the apostate abomination that had blown up the Chantry, caused a war, that tall lanky man that loved cats and healed people, that always gave too much of himself and took too little. The elf still couldn’t quite fathom how he had been able to commit such a cruel act, though deep down, he knew that the answer for that consisted of only one single word: Justice.

He didn't know when it happened, but somewhere along the way he had made a decision. He didn't want his life to be chopped up in different parts anymore, different constants that weren't constants in the end but that just disappeared and left him to find something new. He wanted something else. He wanted this part of his life to last, he wanted this constant to be with him for the rest of his life. He wanted, he needed something to last, something to hold on to, something he knew would always be there to give him a reason to keep going. So now here he was, staring down at the open palm of his hand, where the thin gold band was lying.

When he slid the ring on the mage's hand and Anders placed the ring on the elf's finger in return, he finally understood why people did this. It did not feel like a collar at all, not restricting or belittling. It felt like a security blanket, a constant reminder that Anders would always be there for him, that he would be the constant in his life, the staple he was longing for, and at the same time it was a reminder of the promise he had given, that he would be there for the mage as well, as long as they both lived. And somehow, that knowledge was reassuring, that no matter what the future held, they would face it together, support each other, join their strengths and carry their burdens together. Fenris lifted the mage's hand and kissed the ring on it, sealing their promise. And when Anders did the same for him, he couldn't help but to let his mind wander, to think back on how fortunate he had been. 

It hadn't been all that long ago that he had thought he would lose his mage. He had seen him standing there, looking at Hawke and almost begging him to kill him. And Fenris, oblivious as he was, had just assumed that the man he loved could never commit such a crime, and that thus the body before him must be devoid of the Anders he knew, and just harbour the spirit turned demon anymore. Kill him and be done with it, he had said. Told Hawke to kill him, for he could not face the creature that had once been the light of his life. And Hawke had listened to him. To him and to the abomination, and then there had been the blink of a dagger and a gasp, and that was when he had realised it. Anders was looking at him, amber eyes locking with his, eyes that he knew belonged to the man he thought he had lost. To the man their friend had just killed, with his very own encouragement. 

He knew that there was a battle starting then, Hawke and the others rushing to the Gallows to defend the mages, but Fenris couldn't find it in him to care. He heard a scream, and the voice sounded so familiar, almost like his own, but too laced with pain to really be recognisable. He didn't realise the sound was coming from his own mouth, but he noticed it stopping when he dropped to his knees next to Anders, cradling him in his arms and sobbing into his hair. Everything he had wanted in life, the most important person to him, the one he had envisioned a future with in quiet, secret moments, he was here in his arms now, dead, killed by his very own command. 

Fenris was never one to show his emotions, especially not in public, but in this moment, when his world came clashing down on him and he found himself drowning, with nothing left to hold on to, he didn't care. He lowered the mage's body on the ground and draped himself over it, and then he wept. He let out all his tears of grief, of pain, of sadness, of anger at himself and Hawke and the demon and Anders for having taken him in, of anger at the deed that had been done, of shame that there were innocents dead and dying now and all he did was cry over the one that had caused it all. 

He was pathetic, and weak, not worth anything, just like his master had always said. He was beneath everyone, and Hawke had only taken him in because he saw him as useful, he was sure of it now. He just couldn't do anything right. He had been pushed around, his life dictated by others all his life, and he had never really cared. And now there had been one thing, one person that mattered enough to make him open up his heart, to make him hope and wish for a future where things didn't change, one person he wanted to protect simply so he could continue having the other around him, and he had failed. The one thing that mattered to him, and he hadn't been able to keep it. 

Without him even realising, his hands had curled around the dagger still sticking out of Anders' side and pulled him out. A conversation crossed his mind, from when the mage and himself had still hated each other, and Anders had asked him if he had never thought about killing himself. He could honestly say that up to this very moment, he had never thought about it. But now, with the happiness he had found in his life gone, he wanted to follow him. He didn't want to die, as such, but he wanted to go where Anders went. So he slowly turned the blade, pointing it against his own chest, and just before he could push he felt a hand curling around his own, and as he looked up, amber eyes were looking into his green ones.  
Fenris still remembered that he had nearly died of shock that moment, feeling the eyes of his dead lover on him, and it had taken a long while of stammering on his side until he had calmed down enough to hear Anders whisper that Justice was gone. He had been wrong, then, there had always been something of his beloved left in that body, no matter how much the demon took over. But now, the demon was no more, having atoned for what he had done to Anders in the only way he could: by giving his own existence for Anders' life. 

He didn't know if it was because his walls had broken before as well, or if everything was just too much at that point, but Fenris found himself weeping again, kissing over Anders' face as he assured himself that his mage was indeed alive. Between his sobs, he begged for forgiveness for his harsh words, and he felt a hand on his hair, petting it the way he loved it so much, and even without words he knew that for some unknown reason, Anders wasn't angry at him.

They only stayed until Anders' mana had replenished enough to heal the wound Hawke's dagger had caused, and then Fenris took the mage's hand and pulled him along, out of the burning city, away from the Templars that started to roam the city to hunt down any mages, away from their friends that thought Anders dead. Away to a future they would face together, no matter what would come.

And now, he saw the mage -his mage- looking up at him from where he had been kissing the ring on his finger, and he couldn't help the tears that filled his eyes. Sometimes, he still couldn't believe it. Anders was alive, and he had forgiven him, though he had not forgiven himself yet, but he had stayed with him, he was still by his side, with him every day and night, the constant in his life that he had so longed for. And in that moment, he knew that he didn't care what the future held, as long as he could face it on Anders' side. 

He pulled his fingers from Anders' hand and placed them on the sides of his face before he leaned in for a sweet, gentle, loving kiss. Then their fingers twined and they turned, standing side to side and leaning against one another as they watched the sunrise from the mountaintop where they were standing. They hadn't had a ceremony, nobody to officiate, no witnesses, no guests. But it was how they wanted it to be, it was a promise between the two of them, a promise to never leave, to always be there, and that was what mattered. In a way, it felt more real now than if they had been standing in a Chantry full of people watching them kiss and make a promise in some age old ritual none of them really believed in. 

“Mage.” Somewhere along the way the word had become a pet name rather than an insult, and when spoken with so much love in his voice there was no mistaking it as an insult anymore. When Anders looked at him he gave him a smile and ran his thumb over the new ring on Anders' finger. “You are mine now.” He saw the other looking down at the ring on his hand, and maybe in that moment Anders was thinking about the comparison between a ring on a finger and a collar around the neck as well, but Fenris knew that those two were nothing alike now. Anders was his, but never in a way that involved actual ownership. He felt his husband hesitating, and it was touching that he was so respectful of Fenris' past that he had trouble reciprocating the statement, in case it would sit wrong with Fenris after all or remind him too much of times he wanted to leave behind. Fenris smiled and kissed his mage's cheek, before speaking up again.

“And I am yours.”


End file.
